The "quasi" White House
Fuck You Pennsylvania Ave
Dearest American Citizen,
We are writing to you today to let you know personally
about a new Government program in which you and your
entire household are eligible for benefits. It is the first
program of its kind to be introduced and we are proud that
the United States has chosen to participate in this
Worldwide program starting with the citizens of this great
The idea was born from a dire need to put a "cap" on the
global warming conditions, the lack of equal and needed
healthcare to all, and the "depression" which has left so
many people broke and without after many long years of
hard work and saving for their retirements.
This program will end all need for abortions and
pharmaceuticals that cannot be afforded and/or cause too
many side effects. It will also allow grave differences of
opinion and debates concerning which medications are
legal, moral, ethical, herbal, Schedule I, II, or III to be
It has recently been decided by the Superior Court of the
U.S. and the Worldwide Nation of Healthcare Coalition that
Assisted Suicide is an acceptable treatment in dire situations.
We believe the current state of the economy and the lack of
food, water, medicine, and money construe an emergency
situation around the world. This is causing undue stress
upon the populace around the world.
The Global Warming issue alone is causing many millions of
deaths around the world from horrid weather conditions
astronomical. It is simply unethical to expect all persons to
be able to "hold up" under such pressure.
Therefore, after much careful thought and consideration we
have collectively decided upon the following program
benefits for your family and household members:
*Enclosed please find carefully packaged individual capsules
which are red and black in color with the number "666"
imprinted upon them in purple.
*Carefully read the enclosed instructions on how to
administer them if you so choose. (Please do not chew,
crush or liquefy before use).
**The number of capsules contained in the package was
determined by the 2007 Census and we cannot assume
responsibility for an incorrect number of capsules.
The enclosed capsules were mailed to each individual
household that is eligible for the program on the same day
much the same that Social Payments, Disability and Welfare
checks are dispensed. There has been no media coverage of
this important program due to privacy concerns. This is a
one-time offer only and cannot be reproduced nor
transferred to anyone outside of the household as you have
been selectively chosen for this special "care package".
If you so choose to accept this offer you may do so any time
after 12:00am on the 15th of September, 2009. If the
program is a success we will collectively eliminate in the
Millions of tons of carbon monoxide and dioxide into our
atmosphere in the first two weeks!
Everyone is encouraged to plant a tree prior to
consumption as a "thank you" for all the diligent work our
Experts have done to make this such a success!
We hope that this will be the answer to the economic, social
and political problems which are overcoming our collective
progress toward the New World Order. We believe that each
of our participants will be rewarded for their efforts in the
program and look forward to calculating the results!
Health, Welfare, Consumption and Sources Dept.